London here I come! (ON not UK)

I'm sitting at my front desk filling in for someone else and ive made a decision that im not doing any work. Or at least the bear minimum. Anyways I am totally stoked to go to London this weekend. Amy and I are going to go see Gwen Stefani. We bought each other the tickets for our birthdays since they are so close to one another. I know this is bad to say but I really hope that Amy gets drunk. LOL LOL LOL , I'm laughing at just the thought of her drinking. Not only are we going to Gwen, but I think we are going to try and head out to St. Jacobs. I have never been there and I want to do some shopping and go to the maple syrup museum. I luv doing stuff like that, and I luv maple syrup MMMMMMM! Whatever i just think its going to be a great weekend and I really need to have a fun weekend.

Closure

So i have not been on my blog in about 3 weeks. the reason being my dad had a heart attack. now i know people have heart attacks all the time, and there are all different kind of degrees of seriousness. but i actually think my life would end if my dad passed away on me. my dad is the most important person in my life. he will forever be the most important person in my life. i almost want to say he is my best friend. hes the one person who i can count on that will be there for me. he never disappoints me, which is a nice thing to be able to say since there are quit a few people in my life right now who are constantly letting me down. anyways my dad having a heart attack scared me, and i dont want that feeling again.

Watching my dad go thru his heart attack has changed my think and my familys way of thinking. i think we all are aware more that we need to take care of ourselves because u never know what is going to happen. having said that almost losingmy dad has made me realize im not happy with my life. i feel like i have been just coasting along with no goals. i want to change that.

Since i broke up with chris, ive just been waiting for things to get better, however imnot doing anything to make them better. at first i couldnt do anything going thru my break-up was the hardest thing ive had to deal with. its funny because people dont understand why i dont hate chris. its true i hate the things he did to me, but im thankful for all the good we did have. and i couldnt hold on to all that anger i had for him, it was too hard and having all that hate inside me makes me fell bad all the time and i dont want that. now what chris did to me not right but i forgive him, and i want to let him know that i will never let him do that to me again. im definately ready to move on from him. i think what i miss is that he was my best friend, i miss that closeness we had as friends.

Now brandon was another friend of mine who has constantly disappointed me in my time of need. brandon is selfish. and i find it kinda funny cause chris was also completely selfish. and im asking my self lately why i fell for these two guys that will never ever put me first. i loved brandon with all my heart, and i dont know how, when he never felt the same about me. now if i were to ask bran if he loves me he would say he does. but ask him to prove it...... and nothing happens. to me saying i love you are just words from a dictioanry, they dont mean anything until u put them to action. i actually want to spend the rest of my life with brandon, and think we could have a great life together, but he doesnt feel the same about me, and im mad at myself again for loving someone who doesnt care as much about me as i do them. it has been driving me cray because all i have been think and hoping and wishing is that one day brandon would change his mind about me and finally say yes amanda you are the one i want. well its been 8 or 9 years i have been wanting that to happen, and i finally have accepted its not going to happen.

So im clearly rambling on here but there is a reason i swear. i have decided to ramble on here for closure. i need to close the book on christopher. i need to close the book on brandon. its time for me to move on. i want a healthy relationship. i want someone in my life who i wont have to hope they care about me or hope one day they will do something special for me. i want someone who wont cheat or lie. i want someone to not have to think about how to fit me in their life, i want someone to say amanda your the best and i coudlnt possibly be with out you and i will do everything in my power to never lose you.

I will be friends with chris and brandon but the love is over. my heart no longer belongs to either of them. its sad to say this, but i have to i need to move my life forward. i dont like where i am now in my life, and i cant keep feeling sorry for myself. i need to change it. so i am. bye chris and brandon.

ok it super late and i just told myself i was turning over a new leaf and trying to work hard and make real progress at work, which is a whole other issue i need to vent about, but i was suppose to go to bed early and get up early to have a good start to my morning. oh well.

This may sound weird but I am totally in love with Justin Timberlake. I love love love his new cd, i can not get enough of it. today i listened to it in the kitchen while i was cooking dinner. also i downloaded a directors cut of his new video and god damn hes sexy! which is funny cause hes not really my type. however i think any man with money is my type. lol just kidding. and cody if u read this i am kidding a man with money isnt the most important thing, so dont go saying i only like guys with money!

Gingerbear cost me over $300.0 dollars last week in vet bills, and i dont really mind cause i love her more then most people in my life, but damn the moment i apply for pet insurance she gets all theses injuries. weird.

Oh ive been thinking i want to start my own business, it feels kind of far fetched but i hate everything in life, im what you call the glass is half empty kind of girl right now. however i dont hate my dog. i was thinking of maybe starting a business to do with her. i have a few ideas, but does anyone else have any good ideas?

???????

how do u let go of someone you love?

I'm in the land of the living again. I luv luv luv my new laptop. I'm happy but also very frustrated because all my ipod stuff is on my old computer and you can not transfer your old itunes, thru your ipod, so basically i have to download over 1000 songs to get my music back on my computer. whatever i have no life really anyways, actually i should say i have no social life.

i have been feeling lately like somewhat of an endangered species. i am one of those rare creatures known as "the single gal". seriously when did it become OK for my girlfriends to turn into these obsessed maniacs over their boyfriends. and you can never actually tell a female she is spending too much time with her boyfriend because they get offended and start rambling on crazy justifications of why they have time to see their guy 6-7 days a week and cant find 1 night too see me. plus i cant say anything either because then it just looks like I'm the jealous single one. i could possibly be anti-relationships right now because I'm still getting thru my rotten one, but come on when we as women start giving up things that truly matter to us for a guy it never ends up being a happy ending. whatever better not say anymore on this subject because too many girls i know fall under this category, and then I'll have a lot of talking to do.

On a different note i think i need to met someone women who are bosses, managers, who are in charge. i am now the operations manager of motel 6, property #1907. and i am having a hell of a time. I'm learning pretty quickly it is very hard to be a 27 year old running a hotel. most people that see me think I'm 18 (truthfully i look it), they ask to speak with my boss or manager and i say"I'm the boss you can speak with me" they look at me like i couldn't possible know anything about anything. they think cause I'm a women for one, that I'm going to be intimidated by them (men especially do this to me) and think that cause I'm so young i couldn't have a position of more then a housekeeper. its very frustrated I'm very good at my job, and i really hate that older people do not know how to handle a person who is younger then them who have authority over them. I try to talk with my boss, and he doesn't understand because he doesn't have those things happen to him, because no man is going to question his decisions. its very frustrating and i know this isn't going to be an easy road.

Oh ya another thing to share is that i'm offically now trying to loose weight. i know people are always saying you should'nt diet. and im not, well not really. i am going to try and eat properly -no take-out, im going to try and eat the proper portions, and im going to try and work out more. Im also reading dr.phil's book, so well see how it goes. according to doctor phil im a emotional eater. i hate to admit it , it is totally true! i clearly got in a fight with my ex last week and i clearly ate a bag of peanut m&m's. so this should be an interesting adventure, im lazy, i like takeout but i'll be damned if i dont get thinner. im am not going to turn out to be a crazy old lady with 6 dogs and no husband who eats a bag of cookies everyday.

Ok enough of my ramblings im going to go pre-pare my healthy dinner, my deck of cards size chicken, my 1/2 cup of snow peas, and my 1/2 of cup of cus-cus, and my 8oz glass of skim milk! mmmmmmm so yummy! while i make this im totally going to be dreaming of my big-mac, french fries, large coke and a bowl of icecream mmmmmmmm! icecream!

ok so i havent posted anything in a really long time, the reason being my computer is a piece of sh*t! and no longer works. so i need to buy a new computer but i want to pay cash for one i dont want to use my credit card. so i will not have any posting for a while, but i think thats not a big deal cause noone reads my blog anyways. it totally sucks too cause i have a lot of stuff to say. anyways hope to vent soon!!